Me: I need help writing a bio. What should I say?
Big: Cara Ellison currently is employed at the DOD’s Division of Occult and Supernatural Phenomena. She was married twice, divorced three times. Hobbies include falconry, transcendental meditation, and extreme origami.Founded the Inclusive Vegan Movement, which adds meat, eggs, and dairy to the traditional Vegan regimen.
Me: I wish my life was as exciting as your imagination.
Big has generously added a few items to my biography.
-Runs marathons for relaxation.
-Speaks five languages, simultaneously.
-Has one brown eye and one blue eye, but they appear hazel in the evening.
-Inventor of the pinky ring, whoopie pies, and external combustion engines.
-Leader of effort to make tug of war an Olympic event in 2016.
-Owns a Russian Blue Cat, a Portuguese Water Dog, a Vietnamese potbelly pig, and a parrot that curses in Italian.
-Dated Ben Affleck until his career went south.
-Wrote the definitive treatise on Subjective Objectivism.
-Owns patents on the colors deep scarlet, orange-pink, and medium blue.
-First person to use the phrase “Now, that’s what I’m talking about!”