I feel like I’ve been talking about zombies literally all day with Big. I’m not complaining. Talking about Zombies is my second favorite activity. I zombified Big and sent him an email with the picture.
He replied: Ugh, zombies are ugly critters.
I don’t understand the “rules” for zombies. Do they go on forever, like the Energizer bunny, even if they don’t “feed”? Does all their flesh eventually rot and fall off so that they become walking skeletons? Maybe the zombie virus prevents them from rotting entirely?
But how much of a person must be left for that person to become a zombie? Must a person die first to become a zombie? I guess if the zombie virus infects a person, that person dies and then becomes a zombie?
If cutting off their heads kills them, it must mean they have a primitive nervous system — so does that system never deteriorate?
I am so confused!
Me: I can’t believe you’d call me ugly like that. It is very hurtful. You smell like a zombie.
Big: No, I was calling my zombie self ugly!
Me: Your zombie self is beautiful because it is still you and your radiant soul, except for the brain eating. And everyone has a flaw or two. Except me. I’m the zombie queen.
You have gone around the bend! But then, so have I because I’ve asked the same thing. They’re undead, right? So are they dead first? I’m not clear on the process of zombie creation. Is there a Zombies for Dummies book out there? I need assistance. I mean, when my 3-year-old niece’s alter ego is a zombie — of her own choosing — I think I should have some wisdom impart here and I just don’t. I really need some zombie enlightenment. We must work on this together!
We need to write a book, “Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Being A Zombie.”
These questions need answers!