Gratuitous: Ruemmler & Hueston Chat

Kathy Ruemmler: Oh no… I think I smell my vagina.
Sean Berkowitz: Do you smell something?
Kathy Ruemmler: I think it’s my vagina.
John Hueston: Oh, I thought it was mine.

Chron Compares Skilling To Stanford, Agrees They Have Nothing In Common

The The Chron has an article by Mary Flood comparing and contrasting the judicial treatment of R Allen Stanford and Jeff Skilling. I’m not sure of what Mary’s point is, unless it’s simply that Stanford is being treated particularly harshly – even before his trial. But by making that argument, she makes it appear that Skilling was somehow babied.

There was no real news either with Skilling’s case or Stanford’s, so I think this was just filler for a slow news day. But it is interesting to see how the media are treating Skilling now that they’ve helped put him away.

Bethany McLean To Discuss Smartest Guys – Again

Bethany McLean will be giving a talk about The Smartest Guys In The Room on November 30, 2009 from 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. at Miller Center ( 2201 Old Ivy Rd., Charlottesville VA 22904).

If you attend, please report back. I’m curious if she has anything else to talk about or if she’s just going to ride Enron’s coattails for the next fifty years.

Enron Emails Released With Attachments

I have mixed feelings about the Enron dataset. Generally, I disapprove of it because those emails are private communications and I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what they say. Specifically the personal emails between a man having an affair and his paramour seemed to be gratuitously included in the set, and they have nothing to do with Enron, either work or organizationally related.

But in case your opinion is different, the Enron dataset has again been released – this time with attachments.

Since so few people actually read the record, maybe these attachments will serve as some kind of contemporaneous proof that Enron’s deals were legitimate. That is my hope.

Birthday Wishes

Today is Jeff Skilling’s birthday. My birthday wish for him is that next year at this time, he will be celebrating with his family, and the horror of the last eight years will be but a memory.

Enron Men Bring The Hotness

On my non-Enron blog this week I was bemoaning the fact that all the so-called “sexy” men these days are pussies. Or at least they’re not masculine. They’re softened and feminized. I was attempting to name celebrity who defied this description, and came up short. I couldn’t think of any. The only examples of really masculine men, really idealized masculine men, that I know of are the men of Enron.

One specifically, but also, generally, they’re all guys. They play rough with other guys but are extremely kind to women. They are gentle and wise. They are busy with the contents of their own minds; they don’t need anyone else or anything else.

These guys are sexy.

I wish all men were like Enron men. I wish men today didn’t have to be babied and pacified but would take the reins of their own destinies and just be brilliant.

While I’m writing fiction, if I ever get stuck on a male character, and I wonder what direction to go, I just think, “What would Jeff Skilling do?” It’s always the hard way, and it’s inevitably right, because sexy men eschew the easy for the interesting.

I detest being told that effete, narrow-shouldered, purse-carrying men are sexy. Instinctively, I don’t believe it: I figure these soft little boys are constructs of movie executives who believe women want sensitivity and understanding. That is why we have a conveyor belt of Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Jude Law. I’m so much more interested in a strong spine than good abs. A man with experience at success is so much sexier than a man who mumbles and smiles at interviewers, his head as empty as his soul.

As I am typing this, Greta Sustern is showing a clip of the View in which Barbara Walters is fawning over Zac Efron’s bare chest. I am literally repulsed.

Let’s get Rex Shelby to take his shirt off. Total panty-melting hotness.

Bring back the Alpha Male, like the ones fighting in Kabul, and the ones who occupied desks at Enron.

John Hueston Appointed To White House Task Force To Fight Financial Crime

From the Enron Task Force to the White House task force on Financial Crime, John Hueston is making his name in the art of task-forcery. Timothy Gaithner today announced that the consensus that Wall Street was over-regulated has been finally denounced. He said that we need “stronger and smarter rules”, of which John Hueston will ostensibly be called to enforce.

This is the man who said in a legal paper that he used Smartest Guys In The Room as a “roadmap” to prosecute Jeff Skilling and Dr. Lay.

This is just not going to end well.

Joe Hirko, Please Run For Office

I read this morning that the White House is just making shit up now about the stimulus money. That was amusing for about five seconds until I realized that Joe Hirko is going to prison for something vague he supposedly admitted into a press release while the government routinely lies about accounting and all kinds of basic information. It is well know that the government does not even try to be accurate. And yet federal prosecutors go after corporations and executives while the government lies openly!

Joe Hirko is a hero, a man of integrity, kindness, balance, honesty and blazing intelligence. He doesn’t lie about the numbers. He doesn’t do abracadabra magic tricks with figures, or make them up, or misappropriate them.

The Obama administration is a joke, so perhaps the standard isn’t very high, but based solely on financial acumen and personal integrity, Joe Hirko would make a far better president than Barack Hussain Obama.

Allegedly Yours

Take a peek at the ABC.com website and count the number of times the word “alleged” or “allegedly” is used in describing the massacre at Ft. Hood.

Based on my writing about Enron, I think any honest person must agree that I believe strongly in defendant’s rights, even a piece of crap like Major Hasan. But I don’t understand why he’s “alleged” to have killed those people. Many people saw him do it. There’s really no doubt that it was him.

And yet, the media says “alleged” murderer.

They were not so kind to the Enron defendants, many of whom were described as “scheming”, “devious”, etc. etc. There was no need for such technicalities for the men and two women in the Enron saga.

Kevin Howard – Misfiled

Did anyone else notice that the Chron’s coverage of Kevin Howard is under the heading “Enron Barge Trial”?

If they’re this careless with something so basic, one must ask what else they’re getting wrong.

Enron and Seinfeld: Shrinkage

I’ve compared Enron and Seinfeld before (here and here) and in keeping with that theme, I present: Shrinkage.

According to Wikipedia, this is “The Hamptons” episode of Seinfeld:

The four principal characters travel to the Hamptons to see a baby; they find that the baby is altogether ugly. While on the beach, Kramer finds a filled lobster trap and thinks the catch is his, unaware that it’s a commercial lobster trap. George’s girlfriend goes sun tanning topless while he goes out to get tomatoes; and George is seen naked by Jerry’s girlfriend Rachel, to whom he tries vainly to explain that, having just gotten out of the cold water, he is a victim of penile “shrinkage.”

The ETF has a terrible case of shrinkage. They believed they were well positioned to show the world just how big and strong they were, and they failed. Thus, the shrinkage.

With Scott Yeager, they had a particularly bad case of shrinkage. They rushed to indict the Broadband executives, then when they walked away empty handed after the first trial, they tried to explain “it was cold in the pool” but they could give a better showing if they were given another chance.

Scott Yeager challenged them. He basically said, “Bring it, bitches,” and took them back and forth to the Fifth Circuit, the Supreme Court, back to the Fifth, and the ETF never could quite warm up enough to overcome the shrinkage. If they had a case, they couldn’t show it.

They postured a great deal, but when Scott walked in on them, they were tiny.

And now they’re about to do the same thing with Rex Shelby. It promises to be a great show – funny and ridiculous, and completely devoid of substance as the “show about nothing.”

Statement on Un-Approved Comments

I’ve deleted several comments when they got snagged in moderation. Perhaps this is a good time to explain what is and is not acceptable when discussing Enron.

You may not come to my blog and dump invective. To do so will get you deleted with prejudice.

You don’t have to believe that Enron was a good company, or that the executives are innocent. But you absolutely must be polite.

Do not leave a “drive-by” post and expect me to allow it to stay up. An example, “Everybody at Enron was a crook and you are crazy to believe otherwise.” That’s just high-calorie garbage and it gets zapped.

If you believe the Enron executives are guilty, or if you want to talk about a specific transaction or unit, feel free. Just be polite, and make sure you back up your positions with facts, quotes, etc.

Those are the rules. I’m not intolerant of those who think the Enron folks are guilty, but I’m intolerant of stupidity.

Also: there was no fraud or conspiracy at Enron.

Kevin Howard Sentenced

Kevin Howard was sentenced today to one year of probation — nine months of that under home confinement — in a plea deal in which prosecutors stipulated he did not personally benefit from his crime.

Via Chron:

Rather than go to trial for the third time, Kevin Howard agreed to a deal that required no prison time. He pleaded guilty to one count of falsifying books and records. Howard stood in court Monday with a group of family and friends in the audience, including his former codefendant Michael Krautz, who wrote a glowing letter to the court about Howard.

U.S. District Judge Vanessa Gilmore sentenced Howard to also pay a $25,000 fine and said for the first nine months of his probation he can only go to work, church, medical appointments and educational classes. Gilmore said that while Howard’s actions did not cause the ultimate downfall of Enron, which collapsed in 2001, and while he got no personal benefit from his action, he still must be held accountable.

Whoa. Wait. Why must he be held accountable if he did not benefit from his actions, and his actions did not play into the collapse of Enron? Oh, right, I remember, this is an Enron case, therefore everyone must pay regardless of innocence.

“You will be restricted. It’s jail, but jail at home,” she said. She said he can’t coach sports or go to dinners or parties or shows and if he violates the order he will go to prison.

Kevin Howard is innocent. I’m disappointed he got nine months instead of four (or none!) But as far as Enron sentences go, it’s not terrible. I hope that he has found some peace.

We here at Cara Ellison Corp keep a good thought for him.

Kevin Howard Sentencing Today

Kevin Howard is scheduled to be sentenced today. I’ll update as soon as possible. Meanwhile, my fingers are crossed that the judge gives him the absolute minimum (four months home confinement.)