1. Sheilais really Bernie Madoff. “Sheila” is just a clever pseudonym. So if you’re raging mad at Bernie, drop Sheila a note. In fact, her home phone number is 212-MOB-RULE.
2. Sean has an eighth grade education. He speaks with his mouth full. He smells like beer. He doesn’t own a belt. (He’s also six feet four inches tall , which is FREAKISH! So feel free to jeer and make fun of him for that.)
3. Tracey is a famous ice skater whose first name starts with M and ends in Ichelle and whose last name is Kwan. She’s terribly shy so if you send her a note and ask her if it’s true, I’m sure she’ll deny it.
4. Agent Bedhead was the inspiration for Alias.
5. Preston Taylor Holmesworks in the Obama administration and if they ever found out that he criticises them on his blog, he would be sent to the blogger gulags.
6. John Hawkinsis so busy with his Townhall column and Conservative Grapevine that he hires little Burmese kids for five cents a month to write “his” posts. He’s been busted twice by the authorities but he pays them off with all his ill-gotten Townhall funds.
7. DBW was hired at Cara Ellison Corp and now spends all day crying at his desk.
8. Jessica is actually a retired 1980s rockstar. She’s gone from singing stadium balads to being a soccer mom and she hates the fact that music seems to have lost its soul.
– to be continued —
Okay, that is too funny. Hmm, I wonder…
100% true! Sorry I outted you. It had to be done in the name of honest bloggery.
I own a belt. WTF?
Lies lies lies.
Hm. Well, I would respond to these allegations, but I am far too busy gliding on a nearby frozen water surface with one leg in the air and fake joy on my face.
Sheila, prove you are not Bernie Madoff.
“Tracey”, I think it was Sheila’s brother who said that he was imagining Michelle Kwan do an entire routine with her leg in the air, just going in circles like that. Cracked. Me. UP.
By the way, you’re never going to win a gold so please just go away.
PS. You’re too old to be an ice skater.
The only time I actually cried was when I realized some of the “fringe benefits” were not what I had expected. The rest of it is just general moaning and whining. BUT–the pay is sublime–let THEM eat cake. One other thing; I really expected you to be around the office more often.
“fake joy on my face”
hahahahahahaha
Oh Kwan! Give it up!!
Poor DBW. I want to rescue him now!
I think I remember that comment by Sheila’s brother. Hahahahaha. It is SUCH a funny mental image.
Ha ha ha ha ha… ahhh. Thats funny. Music has totally lost its soul though. Your hilarious.
I didn’t remember Sheila’s brother’s comment, but it goes a long way towards explaining why I was asked in the interview about how long I could keep my leg in the air. That’s about the time some of the “fringe benefit” confusion began.
And soon after came the tears.
Totally understandable.
Pingback: Perry Farrell, Located :: Agent Bedhead